Book Reviewed: Kevin T. Jones, Unwrapping the Gift of Communication: Theoretical Applications and Biblical Wisdom for Relationships That Thrive (Pasco, WA: Integratio Press, 2024).
Journal of Christian Teaching Practice, Volume 11, 2024 (January – December)
Reviewed By: Bill Strom
Reviewer Affiliation: Trinity Western University
Total Pages: 148
ISBN: 978-1-959685-13-5
In a crowded and complex field of relational communication books, Kevin T. Jones has provided an insightful and useful resource for professors and lay people in Unwrapping the Gift of Communication: Theoretical Applications and Biblical Wisdom for Relationships That Thrive. With a personable approach, Jones draws on well-received communication theories and concepts that pertain to language, emotions, conflict, expectations, listening and more to explain how people in close relationships may unlearn toxic patterns and aim for redemptive dialogue. With personal and cultural examples drawn from decades in the Christian college classroom and his own family, Jones shares his heart and journey as spouse, professor, and leader and offers practical tips for readers eager to relate better.
The idea of Unwrapping the Gift originated when Jones taught a senior capstone course where he challenged students to find biblical evidence to exemplify and complement communication theory and research. His ministry with couples further motivated him to write the book so they could access this compendium of ideas and advice. A foundational insight is that communication is a gift from God who has given us a communication manual—the Holy Bible. Jones intends to help readers unwrap this beautiful gift and manage its imperfect forms when used by fallen humans fraught with pride. Thus, the purpose of the book is to provide a “lens” of communication and “lens” of scripture to help readers “move closer to the goal of servant communication” and “avoid the dangers of … ‘dark side’ communication” (pp. 4, 5).
Each chapter follows the same distinctive rhetorical form to advance claims regarding close relating: 1) a poignant presenting issue, 2) a theory or concept that addresses the issue, 3) biblical scripture and stories for moral guidance, 4) practical tips for unwrapping this gift, and—to conclude the chapter—5) a summary, 6) a prayer, and 7) questions for reflection. This structure provides multiple angles on problematic communication and wise solutions.
For example, Chapter 3, “Mirror, Mirror on the Wall: Self-Concept, Reflected Appraisal, and Matthew 9:20-22” begins with the metaphor of the House of Mirrors carnival attraction, where visitors gawk and balk at stout, thin, and twisted self-images. Jones likens the mirrors to others who comment on and critique our lives and thereby shape our self-perceptions and evaluations. Following an explanation of reflected appraisal via Social Interaction Theory, Jones tells the story from Matthew 9 of the woman who touches Jesus’ robe for healing. With interpretive care, Jones explains that society has likely deemed her diseased, flawed, impure, and unworthy. Yet Jesus showed compassion and healed her, thus re-imaging her as daughter, friend, and worthy. Jones shares of his own shaky self-image and wavering esteem amidst negative course evaluations, and how he gained self-clarity and confidence through a wise friend’s compassionate counsel. He concludes with advice on noticing how others label us, watching how we label others, and taking care in how we post and scroll through social media. The concluding summary, prayer, and questions remain on point by reminding the reader to be thankful that God calls us “friend” and mindful that we hold the power both to lift and limit friends and family with our tongue.
The book’s chapters are generally organized from foundational tenets of communication to intrapersonal dynamics, followed by basic channels of human communication, and then topics germane to relational communication. The foundational tenets include it being a gift, its purpose, and its six processual elements. The intrapersonal topics include reflected appraisal, cognitive dissonance, and emotion management. The chapters on fundamental channels of communication address the language of report and rapport talk and how Expectancy Violations Theory explains unexpected nonverbal behavior. The book concludes with treatments on listening, Social Exchange Theory, confirming and disconfirming language, pride as the root of toxic communication, and how to manage conflict.
For professors who teach communication theory, Jones’ book would make a good complement to textbooks such as Griffin, Ledbetter, and Spark’s A First Look at Communication Theory. Jones’ approach is not to explain theories in detail, but to use their essence, or primary concept, and intersect it with scriptural evidence to gain insight. For example, in his application of Deborah Tannen’s Genderlect Theory, Jones draws on Tannen’s contrast of report and rapport talk. However, rather than genderize the terms a la Tannen, Jones treats them as general modes of communicating, and then argues that rapport talk builds stronger relationships than does report talk. Using this approach, Jones keeps concepts simple and accessible for lay audiences and avoids nuanced complexities of Genderlect Theory. In this and every chapter, Jones summarizes the lesson, then offers straightforward advice. For example:
One of the best tools for navigating the use of our gift is awareness of the different communication tools we have at our disposal. When you communicate, you have a choice between report talk or rapport talk, or a mixture of both. God created us to be relational beings, so rapport talk should always be at the forefront of our communication style. However, report talk may be appropriate if you need to give information or knowledge to another person to help or empower them, as long as you use words that honor your gift of communication rather than misuse the gift. Toxic communication, such as making fun of another person, calling a person names, or abusing power through force or verbal abuse should never be an option in your conversations (p. 63).
Jones is aware of the line he walks between academic and non-academic readers. He notes, “Writing for two different audiences is filled with challenges. The academic audience wants research and data to support all the claims being made. The church audience seems to prefer more practical tools on how to improve communication. … Regardless of what each audience wants, the needs are still the same—to understand how to have healthy communication in our daily relationships” (p. 4).
Jones finds his way well enough to the heart and mind of each group, albeit unevenly at times in his treatment of theory and original theorists’ works. In expounding on cognitive dissonance, he references Festinger; for Expectancy Violation Theory, Burgoon; report and rapport, Tannen; and for conflict management, Gottman. These contrast with other treatments where original theorists are not mentioned, including the process of communication, emotional communication, listening, confirming and disconfirming talk, Social Exchange Theory, and pride. In most cases Jones offers informed definitions and descriptions of the concept or theory. However, with some topics, such as listening and emotions, concepts are explained in the vernacular and one gets the sense that Jones is considering his church audience who might find academic definitions unnecessary to make his points. Even so, the use of original theorists’ names and sources in some chapters sets up an expectation for consistency throughout.
For pastors and coaches looking for relational resources to share with couples, families, and parishioners, Kevin Jones’ book may be just the thing. Kevin uses a warm—even fatherly—voice to share his personal journey of relational struggle in his marriage, relating with kids, and getting along with friends. Jones is frank about his struggles with self-identity and esteem, toxic communication, and pride. Thus, his humility and deference to God’s standard for edifying communication indicates that he treks with his readers, and together we learn from the Giver of the gift through scripture and theory.
Despite the book’s academic subtitle (Theoretical Applications and Biblical Wisdom for Relationships That Thrive), Jones’ writing style gains clarity and connection through storytelling. In addition to personal stories, he shares tales of woe among couples, students, and friends (all with anonymity). For example, in Chapter 8, “Do You Hear What I Hear? The Gift of Listening and John 11:41-42,” he recalls an encounter with a woman who told him, “My boyfriend is driving me crazy!” Realizing that this phrase holds much meaning, Jones proceeds to understand it by engaging in listening that asks open-ended questions, discovers specifics, paraphrases, avoids judging, and offers advice only when asked. Acting on these principles, Jones comes to understand that the woman’s complaint was prompted by her boyfriend’s chronic tardiness, which to her signaled his lack of effort in the relationship and sowed her growing distrust. Readers of diverse ages and backgrounds will likely identify with both story and principles about listening to their relational benefit.
With the field of relational communication now dauntingly diverse and deep, Jones has done well to focus on such basic topics as self-perception, interpersonal perception, emotions, expectations, talk, and conflict. Scholars big on theory and theology may find analyses thin, yet still providing new insights for classroom and research. Pastoral counselors who seek communication wisdom will gain helpful “lenses” not common in other relational books. Scholars and practitioners will appreciate Jones’ one big idea per chapter that avoids theoretical or scriptural minutia. Along the way, the reader may appreciate Jones’ brief prayers that signal dependence on God, and his study questions for group and self-reflection. One cannot read Unwrapping the Gift of Communication without encountering pointed lessons for oneself and steps for redemptive communication—a genuine gift.