Column entry, “Christian Family Practice: Cultivating Prayer,” with Jonathan Pettigrew and Diane Badzinski

Column: Let’s Talk Family: Conversations about Faith and Family Flourishing

Column entry: “Christian Family Practice: Cultivating Prayer”

By Jonathan Pettigrew, PhD, Arizona State University; Diane Badzinski, PhD, Colorado Christian University

Column Description: Let’s Talk Family: Conversations about Faith and Family Flourishing is a monthly column offering a space to consider research-based, biblically-sound practices for family communication. We all have families. And we all experience messy family communication from time to time. Our column focuses on what works and doesn’t work for helping families be a little less messy and a lot more rewarding. Please join the conversation.

Christian Family Practice: Cultivating Prayer

Prayer can be one of the most vibrant spiritual disciplines. Prayer is a particular way of relating to God. Oswald Chambers said that “Prayer does not fit us for the greater work, prayer is the greater work.” Unfortunately, many people look at prayer as a recitation session from grammar school! “Our Father who art in heaven…” we recite in perfect monotone. But as communication scholars, we are convinced that the opportunity to communicate with God through prayer is by far one of the most incredible gifts from God.

Let’s pause for a moment to reflect on what can actually happen when we pray. We speak with the Holy Heavenly Father, the One who created all things. The One who rescued us from iniquity, sin, and transgression, when we had done nothing to deserve it – even before we were born, and certainly when we were still dead (Eph. 2).

And He speaks back! We are not merely reciting prayers, although that can be an amazing way to connect with God, but the Almighty is communicating back to us – sometimes through Scripture, or in a thought, or through changing circumstances, nature, other people, or even through an audible voice. God is not silent.

To illustrate, consider a few stories from Scripture.

The disciples prayed to Jesus to save them from the storm that would destroy them (Mk. 4). The Lord answered by calming the wind and waves, which shows just one way that God speaks through nature. The Psalmist stated that the earth pours forth speech (Ps. 19) and when Elijah prayed, he saw a drought-ending downpour of rain (cf. 1 Kings 18:41-46 & James 5:17). Clearly God responds to our prayers with changes in the natural environment. Just think of that astounding fact.

God sometimes responds to prayers through social events. At times, God even shares specific messages with specific people in response to prayer. For example, Samuel the Prophet was born to Hannah in response to her intense pleading with God (1 Samuel 1:1-20). When a famine broke out in Jerusalem, the Lord moved on the hearts of Christians across the world to send aid (see Acts 11:27-30). When then-blind Saul entered Damascus as a persecutor of the new Jewish sect of Jesus-followers, God impressed on the heart of Ananias to go pray for Saul to receive his sight (Acts 9:10-12). God prompted his people to action.

God speaks directly with his people, showing the future, giving assignments, offering comfort, giving promises, and other kinds of messages. Think of Isaiah, Abraham, Jonah, Noah, Phillip the Evangelist, and the Apostle Paul for examples of the kind of interactive prayer where God speaks.

These brief snippets of Bible stories demonstrate that prayer can be powerful and touching communication encounters with the Almighty God. If we understand prayer in this way, how do we go about it personally and in our families?

There must be as many ways to pray as there are people because prayer is a personal way of relating to God, and each relationship is unique. Nonetheless, here are time-tested methods for personal prayer, family prayer, or praying with others.

Repeat prayers from Scripture. When asked to teach his disciples to pray, Jesus responded with what we call the “Lord’s Prayer.” It is recorded in Matthew 6:9-13. It can always be good practice to pray, reciting these words in sincerity. It can also be a sweet experience to recite a line and then listen for God to respond. Let your mind meditate on the words you are praying and listen to hear what God might be saying back as you go through the prayer. Listening is a key part of communication. If we only speak to God, we are missing hearing from God. He doesn’t need our lecture or lists, he wants to be in communion (unity, connection) with us.

There are other excellent prayers recorded throughout Scripture. A few are Solomon’s dedication of the temple (2 Chron. 6), Daniel’s prayer for national repentance (Dan. 9), Christ’s prayer for his disciples, sometimes called the High Priestly Prayer (John 17), Paul’s prayer for the church in Ephesians (1:18-19). Most Psalms also take the form of prayer. Try reading these passages as fuel for your personal or family prayers.

Offer prayers from church liturgy. Depending on your experience in Christian tradition, you may be well accustomed to reading prayers others have written. Or you may be more accustomed to offering spontaneous prayers. Both are valuable and we would encourage you to try both types of praying. If you’ve never read one of the ancient liturgical prayers, we recommend doing so.

Some have referred to the Book of Common Prayer as “the Bible rearranged for daily life.” You could try offering prayers recorded in this text. A link to the online version is in the references. Or, in the Jewish tradition, there are blessings and liturgical prayers for everyday occasions. You could try reading the daily prayers that our spiritual ancestors would have prayed (see the website “Hebrew for Christians” in link below.

Try conversational prayer. If you’ve never engaged in extended conversational prayer with God, consider trying it out. While conversational prayer can be freeform and flow like any other conversation, if this kind of prayer is a new practice for you, it could be helpful to follow a guide. The acronym “ACTS” can help get you started. The goal throughout conversational prayer is a genuine turn-taking, speaking and listening conversation with God, not merely reciting a checklist of things to say or topics to cover. Conversational prayer should allow us to listen to God’s response, pausing in our thoughts to discern what new topics or ideas come into our mind, or pay attention to what we feel in our hearts. In this way, prayer is a dynamic way of communing with our loving heavenly Father.

Here is the ACTS guide.

A stands for Adoration. Take a few minutes to pause and praise God for who he is. Begin in wonder, awe. An example of adoration in Scripture is David’s prayer in Psalm 104, “Bless the Lord, O my soul! O Lord my God, you are very great! You are clothed with splendor and majesty, covering yourself with light as with a garment, stretching out the heavens like a tent.”
C stands for Confession. Scripture repeatedly encourages us to confess our sins to one another, and we can also confess honesty before God. Through Christ, God offers forgiveness of sins. Confession means “saying the same thing” and involves agreeing with God that we are guilty of sin and in need of His undeserved grace and forgiveness. Confession should not be viewed as merely reciting a list of wrongdoings, but rather as examining our thoughts, words, and actions to identify anything that does not align with God’s command to love Him with our whole heart, soul, and mind and to love our neighbor as ourselves.
T signifies Thanksgiving. Psalm 100 instructs us to “enter into his gates with thanksgiving, and into his courts with praise.” This aspect of our prayer helps us to acknowledge God’s general blessings and those specific to us. In Charles Spurgeon’s classic sermon, “Thanksgiving and Prayer,” he reflects on Psalm 65:11, “You, O Lord, crown the year with your goodness,” challenging us to ponder how we can offer heartfelt thanks to the Lord. Spurgeon responds: “We can do it, dear friends, by the inward emotion of gratitude. Let our hearts be warmed, let our spirits remember, meditate, and think upon the goodness of the Lord.” While adoration marvels at who God is, thanksgiving appreciates all he does.
S is for Supplication. We make our requests, needs, wants, desires, dreams known to God. We ask his advice, seek his heart for our lives and our families. We pray for his peace in our relationships, neighborhoods, society, and nation. We hope that his everlasting, ever-expanding Kingdom will take root in every tribe, tongue, and nation. God is intimately acquainted with us and all our affairs, and he desires to meet with us through all of life. As we listen to God and make requests as he prompts, we frequently witness the fulfillment of those requests. Our prayers are not simply a psychological act or a practice that shifts our perspective – sure that occurs sometimes, but prayers actively influence the spiritual realm impacting both the natural and social spheres surrounding us.

Communicating with God is a privilege won by Christ’s death, burial, and resurrection (see 2 Cor. 5:1-2; 17-19; Heb. 4:14-16), facilitated by the Holy Spirit (see Rom. 8:26). Start with one of these three methods of communicating with God. Then tomorrow, try another. Keep in mind that cultivating your unique and special relationship with God is the objective, not uttering a flawless prayer or engaging in a religious act. Make prayer a frequent practice and observe how God moves in both your life, your family, and in the world around you.

Let us know how it goes.

–Jonathan Pettigrew and Diane M. Badzinski

References

Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for his highest, “Greater Works,” October 17th devotional (Our Daily Bread Publishing, revised edition, 2012).

Episcopal Church. “The Book of Common Prayer and Administration of the Sacraments and Other Rites and Ceremonies of the Church: Together with the Psalter or Psalms of David According to the Use of the Episcopal Church” 1875 [edition, 350^th Anniversary, Penguin Books]. See www.bcponline.org . Note: We recommend the contemporary version for readability.

Hebrew for Christians: See the “Blessings” to recite on this page: https://www.hebrew4christians.com/Blessings/blessings.html#loaded

Charles Spurgeon, Thanksgiving and prayer. Spurgeon Sermons, 9, 1863. Christian Classic Ethereal Library, https://ccel.org/ccel/spurgeon/sermons09/sermons09.xlvi.html

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