Column entry, “Christian Family Practices: Cultivating Virtue,” by Pettigrew and Badzinski

Column: Let’s Talk Family: Conversations about Faith and Family Flourishing

Column entry: “Christian Family Practices: Cultivating Virtue” (Nov. 2024)

By Jonathan Pettigrew, PhD, Arizona State University; Diane Badzinski, PhD, Colorado Christian University

Column Description: Let’s Talk Family: Conversations about Faith and Family Flourishing is a monthly column offering a space to consider research-based, biblically-sound practices for family communication. We all have families. And we all experience messy family communication from time to time. Our column focuses on what works and doesn’t work for helping families be a little less messy and a lot more rewarding. Please join the conversation.

Christian Family Practices: Cultivating Virtue

“Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the door frames of your houses and on your gates” (Deut. 6:4-9, NIV).

In these verses, Moses prepares the Israelites to enter the promised land and provides instructions to experience its full blessings. These instructions are as relevant for us today as they were in Moses’ time, offering principles for teaching our children.

Firstly, we must listen to God ourselves and teach our children to do the same. Deuteronomy 6:4-5, known as the Shema, is a Jewish prayer recited morning and evening, and is considered one of the most honored Jewish traditions. Shema is the Hebrew word to “hear” or to “listen” (“Hear, O Israel”). Listen doesn’t mean simply to passively hear God’s words, but to actively seek to understand them, and then to obey them.

Secondly, we are called to love God completely—with our hearts, souls, and strength—before we can effectively teach others, including our children. There are no shortcuts; we must keep God’s words in our minds (symbolized by binding them on our foreheads) and His words must be reflected in our actions (symbolized by tying them on our hands). By following God’s laws, we are then equipped to pass this knowledge to future generations. In other words, if we are to teach our children to follow God’s ways and to reflect His character, then we must first follow God’s commands and reflect His character in our own lives.

What Virtues Should We Practice?

Merriam Webster’s Dictionary defines a virtue as “conforming to a standard of right,” and “a particular moral excellence.” Christian virtue then is conforming to a Biblical standard of what is right, moral excellence. More formally, Christian virtues are “the unique biblical characteristics given as commands by Jesus to love God and to love each other,” says Pastor John Teevan.

The Bible is packed with virtues. We suggest starting with the fruit of the Spirit, which is listed in Galatians. “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control” (Gal. 5:22-23). Dr. O.S. Hawkins, The Joshua Code, places these nine fruit into three categories: a countenance that is obvious that we are abiding in Christ (love, joy, peace), a character that is orderly (patience, kindness, goodness) and a character that is obedient (faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control). Hawkins emphasizes that “the fruit represent what we are and not what we do.” Jesus taught that the fruit of a person’s life is what gives evidence of whether they are a genuine or false prophet (Matt. 7:20). By extension, when the fruit of the Spirit is evident in us, it shows an authentic relationship with Christ. The fruit of the Spirit are the inner qualities that reflect Christ.

There are many other virtues found in Scripture. Here are few more:

Generosity: “Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously. Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver” (2 Cor. 9:6-8).
Honesty: “Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices” (Col. 3:9).
Courage: “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you” (Deut. 31:6).
Trust: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make straight your paths” (Prov.3:5-6).
Humility: “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others” (Phil 2:3-4). (by the way, this is the Scripture verse on our, Diane and Jon’s, wedding invitation over 34 years ago!).
Respect: “Rise in the presence of the aged, show respect for the elderly, and revere your God. I am the Lord” (Lev. 19:32).
Compassion (and meekness, kindness, humility, patience, forgiveness): “Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive” (Col. 3:12-13).

So how do we communicate virtue to children or others we influence?

Model Christian virtue. As the saying goes: values are better caught than taught.
Read and discuss books on or about cultivating virtues. One resource we recommend is Gregory Spencer’s Awakening the Quieter Virtues.
Share stories that reflect Christian virtues. Stories are a powerful way to transmit values from one generation to another. Biblical stories are a great way to begin. For example, Barnabas demonstrated generosity when he sold some land and gave the proceeds to the apostles (Acts 4:36-37); Esther was courageous in asking King Xerxes to spare the lives of her people (Esther 7:3-4). Joseph models forgiveness, holding no ill will toward his brothers who sold him into slavery (Gen. 37-50). We encourage you to also share stories of missionaries and people you know that have displayed Christian virtues in their lives.
Follow a curriculum that focuses on teaching virtues. “We choose virtues” is one example.
Focus on one virtue (e.g., kindness or generosity) for a length of time and then move to another.
Keep it fun, especially for young children. Courtney Defeo offers some great ideas on how to do this. Roleplaying kindness (e.g., “what would you do if you saw a child being bullied?”) and practicing patience (e.g., “who can stay the quietest for the longest period of time?”), for example, can be used to train little ones.
Reward Christ-like attitudes and behaviors. “Catch” your children displaying a virtue and praise them for it. Or consider implementing a reward system. Rewarding good behavior reinforces it, and when we reward virtuous behavior, we reinforce the virtues.

It’s our responsibility to mature toward Christ-likeness in all aspects of our lives. This includes our roles as parents and educators who are entrusted to train the next generation. By considering virtue, we to reflect Christ-like qualities in their thoughts and actions. This takes intentionality, and a deep commitment to reflect those values in our own lives.

Thanks for joining the conversation.

Jonathan Pettigrew and Diane M. Badzinski

References

Courtney Defeo, “Fun Ways for You to Instill Virtues in Your Children,” Focus on the Family, 2018, retrieved July 24, 2024, https://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/fun-ways-for-you-to-instill-virtues-in-your-children/

O.S. Hawkins, The Joshua Code (Thomas Nelson Publishers, 2012). See, O.S. Hawkins, “The Fruit of the Spirit,” August 1, 2016, retrieved July 24, 2024, https://faithgateway.com/blogs/christian-books/fruit-spirit

Gregory Spencer, Awakening the Quieter Virtues (InterVarsity Press, 2010).

John Teevan, “What are Christian Virtues and What Role Do They Play in Society?” Grace Theological Seminary, June 17, 2021, retrieved July 24, 2024 https://seminary.grace.edu/virtue-in-mankind-part-1/

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